Unconditional Positive Regard: It's Not Just for the Dogs

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
-- Carl Rogers

Recently Debbie Jacobs, founder of Fearful Dogs and a follower on Twitter, shared the following interchange with the human:

fearfuldogs debbie jacobs 

i don't expect my dogs 2 love me unconditionally. they know as well as any1 when I'm being a jerk

22 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply

jaypsyd Jason Mihalko 

Now now there is room in unconditional love for jerks mt@fearfuldogs don't expect dogs 2 love me unconditionally. they know when I'm a jerk

10 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

fearfuldogs debbie jacobs 

@ 

@jaypsyd whew. good 2 know there's hope 4 me & other jerks

7 Jan Favorite Retweet Reply

This got me thinking about unconditional positive regard. This is part three of an occasional series of blog posts about my therapy dog view of different psychological theories. For parts one and two, check out An Ecological Approach to Life: Urie Bronfenbrenner and Erik Erickson: A Therapy Dog's View.

Let's  meet Dr. Rogers. The human never actually got to meet him. He did, however, spend some time studying with one of Carl Roger's doctoral students, Marshall Rosenberg. If you are interested, by the way, there is a long documentary of Carl Rogers doing group therapy. Click here to watch the documentary called "Journey Into Self."

Pit Bulls as Therapy Dogs

This article was spotted by a friend on Twitter. It's worth sharing. We've moved toward being a culture that is afraid of certain kinds of dogs and forget that by in large, the problem is with how people train and treat dogs. Check out this story about pit bulls as therapy dogs and keep it in mind the next time you encounter breed specific legislation in your local communities. (read more about BSLs here and here.

Of particular interest, by the way, is that breed specific legislation in Bermuda would make me a restricted dog. Can you imagine someone wanting to restrict Magnolia Wigglesworth? That's ridiculous. Check it out here.

AUSTIN (KXAN) - In the gymnasium at north Austin's Gullett Elementary School, a young boy sits on the floor with a book in his lap. The child is trying to sharpen his reading skills and he has a helper. Actually, he has two helpers: a woman who is volunteering her time and her dog.

Across the room, Patti Brauss, a 14-year veteran physical education teacher, watches with a grin on her face.

"There are kids who absolutely light up when they see a dog and that builds bridges sometimes if there's a stressful situation in the classroom," said Brauss, "or a skill the child can't do, and by being able to share that with a dog or be motivated by the dog, we can't do that as humans. It's the power of the petting."

On the gym floor another dog rolls over on her back and accepts some of that petting from another student.

"I think she's precious," the child said. "She's precious; she's a precious dog."

Nearby, another girl bends down and kisses a dog on the head.

Nearby, another girl bends down and kisses a dog on the head.

It's not just the kids that are getting into it all. Owner Ashley Arkin brought her dog to the gym.

"It's that emotional connection that just breaks you down and brings you back to your primal self," she said. "I love it; I love helping other people and the best thing I can do is help others with my dog."

The thing is, though, Arkin's dog is not just any dog. He's a pit bull dog! That's right, the breed that many people condemn as vicious and uncontrollable. Type "pit bull attacks" into Google and you'll be deluged with over 2,000,000 hits. Pit bull owner Lydia Zaidman begs to differ.

"They love people; they're extremely tolerant of people." Zaidman said. "Of course, each individual one has to be temperament tested and each one is an individual like any other dog. But in general, they temperament test very high. They really love people; they like to be around people and so they do really well."

Click here for the rest of the article

Last Day Before Spring Break

Class started off normally enough today. The human and I always get there a little bit early since we all gather in the fenced in back yard and get in some off-leash play. All of us know each other, and the humans make sure we are safe by regularly practicing recalls. When the energy gets too ramped up, for example, all of us dogs are called back to the humans and we spend a little time settling down and grounding ourselves. We do this over and over again. It's great practice.

After the outdoor playtime, we get back on leash and go inside the training building. Our teacher Maureen Ross always has a few words of wisdom for us. We check in with each other on how the previous week has gone. We talk about what we'd like to work on in the class.

Those first few moments are always a nice time to connect and bond with our humans. Here is a candid moment shared between Jake and his human Kathy. They are awfully happy together, don't you think?

Some of my classmates have a more laid back attitude. Gracie, who was helping me herd around a Newfoundland named Journey, decided to recline a bit and grab a quick nap. I've seen her lay like this for hours--unless of course she's invited herself into someone's lap. She also has developed this incredibly cute behavior. She'll roll over on her back and lay perfectly still--perfectly still until someone walks close to her. She'll then use her paws to gently beckon the unsuspecting human toward her.

Class often presents me with an opportunity to practice tolerating change. That happens sometimes, doesn't it? You think you know what's going to happen. You think you can depend on a routine. Then everything changes and you need to adapt. If you can't adapt--well--you bark a lot and then adapt anyway.

You see, today Maureen had an idea. This is Maureen's idea face. Look closely. Learn this face. When you see it, there are frequently costumes involved. This is also a high probability of laughter and general silliness.

Being an adolescent, I provide the teacher with a lot of attitude when she asks me to do something that I find ridiculous. Sit? Stay? Really? Who wants to listen at school. This is my response to her idea face.









Mind you, Maureen doesn't do it alone. Please memorize the following faces. If you see any of them coming into your dog class turn the lights off, lock the door, and pretend like you aren't there. It's for your own safety. You could also find them all at New England Pet Partners -- just in case you'd like to invite them to your facility to provide a little animal assisted therapy (and humor, too).

"Pam" -- Wanted for dog drooling incident

"Liz" -- Wanted for questioning related to a howling noise disturbance

"Kathy" -- Wanted in two states for excessive treat giving

"Diane" -- Wanted for contributing to the delinquency of a dog (Gracie last scene in the back of a police cruiser)

"Noreen" -- Wanted for questioning in a herding incident

Okay -- we have that out of the way. So what did we do today? I thought we were going to do a conga line. The humans did after all have costumes on. It looks a little like a line dance, doesn't it? Here is what we did: one at a time we practiced sit/stay (or down/stay) and then one human walked away. The human then asked us to do something at a distance (for example, down -- or come interrupted by a "wait!" or "stop!"). That way we each got to practice several new behaviors in new combinations (an interrupted recall, being told commands at a distance, etc.). We also each got to work on our patience because we had to wait until it was our turn. As you can see from this picture, my classmates were all doing a great job of paying attention--that is except for me and Gracie. I was bored out of my gourd and Gracie--well--who knows what she is thinking.

Last thoughts? Dog training is important, fun, and a life long process. It's important (and easy) to learn the basics like sit and down. It's more complicated to learn those skills in different contexts. Dog school is one fun way to learn how to behave in a variety of situations. It provides constant novel stimuli, companionship, and fun. Try it out. You and your human will be happy.

An Ecological Approach to Life: Urie Bronfenbrenner

Due to popular demand, I'm starting an occasional series of blogs where I go through various theories in psychology from my therapy dog perspective. Why? A friend on Facebook was studying for an exam and asked my take on a couple of theories. I successfully taught these theories using examples from my life (squirrels). It seems like it would be fun to continue doing that.

In the United States, it is now possible for a person eighteen years of age, female as well as male, to graduate from high school, college, or university without ever having cared for, or even held, a baby; without ever having comforted or assisted another human being who really needed help. . . . No society can long sustain itself unless its members have learned the sensitivities, motivations, and skills involved in assisting and caring for other human beings.

Who said this? Urie Bronfenbrenner. You probably don't know him but you should. From all reports, Dr. Bronfenbrenner was a wonderful human being. While studying in New York City the human met a woman who spoke about studying with him. She got all calm and dreamy talking about what a kind soul he was. Later while working in Ithaca New York, the human happened to walk past Dr. Bronfenbrenner. They had a brief conversation--he indeed was a lovely person. Bronfenbrenner was a professor at Cornell University and the co-founder of the national Head Start program.

Children need people in order to become human.... It is primarily through observing, playing, and working with others older and younger than himself that a child discovers both what he can do and who he can become—that he develops both his ability and his identity.... Hence to relegate children to a world of their own is to deprive them of their humanity, and ourselves as well.

Urie was born in 1917 in Moscow, Russia. When he was six he and his parents, Russian Jews, emigrated to the United States. For those of you who aren't students of history, note that Urie was born when the Russian Provisional Government collapsed. His parents moved at the end of the civil war when the Soviets had taken control of the country. Why is this important? These small biographical details anchor Dr. Bronfenbrenner into a particular place and time. How might have these early experiences influenced him? What did he learn during this time frame? Who did his story of emigrating with his parents influence him?

If the Russians have gone too far in subjecting the child and his peer group to conformity to a single set of values imposed by the adult society, perhaps we have reached the point of diminishing returns in allowing excessive autonomy and in failing to utilize the constructive potential of the peer group in developing social responsibility and consideration for others. 

We often don't think about people in a historical context: we should. It is from within our contexts that our selves develop. I'll get back to that in a minute. First let's look at one more thing Dr. Bronfenbrenner said:

Development, it turns out, occurs through this process of progressively more complex exchange between a child and somebody else—especially somebody who's crazy about that child. 

Do you think that perhaps part of how Urie learned this was from a deep understanding of his own context? Neither I nor the human are scholars of Urie or his biographer. It's worth wondering about.

Dr. Bronfenbrenner developed an Ecological Systems theory to human development. It was revolutionary at the time--and in many ways still is. He wrote about about development as something occurring within five systems. I'll describe each of them in turn from my perspective.

Source 

Micro system: This is the setting in which I live. My family, peers, school, and neighborhood all populate this system. It is within the micro system that I spend most of my life and have most of my direct interactions. It's important to know that within this theory, I am not a passive recipient of experiences in these settings. I actively am involved in creating and deciding the contours of these experiences. Who's in my microsystem? My humans, of course. The humans that I live with are my most enduring and important relationships. My interactions with them set the contours of what is possible and what is not. My responses to the environmental they create, and my own personal tastes and genetics, dictate the possibilities of what I might become. My microsystem also includes the humans office, the way we are transported to the office, and of course the patients who come into the office. I grew up around people in therapy: this had a fundamental effect on who I became.We develop within the complex exchanges of our relationships. In his ecological systems theory, Bronfenbrenner changed all of our understandings of how children developed. He identified five systems which influence what all of us become. I'll talk about each of those five systems and to help you think about them, I'll put myself in context. Of course I'm sure you all understand that he was talking about human development--not puppy development. However I think the theory  holds for me too!

We as a nation need to be reeducated about the necessary and sufficient conditions for making human beings human. We need to be reeducated not as parents—but as workers, neighbors, and friends; and as members of the organizations, committees, boards—and, especially, the informal networks that control our social institutions and thereby determine the conditions of life for our families and their children.  

• Mesosystem: Refers to relations between microsystems or connections between contexts. This is the in between system. An example is the relation of family experiences to school experiences. If I don't feel safe at home for example, or my humans don't provide me with positive interactions, I'm not likely going to be successful in school. I won't have the skills from home to use and be skillful in school. Make sense? Ever know anyone deeply frustrated that the dog trainer can easily get their dog to sit (I'm sure you've all watched Victoria Stillwell on T.V.) but then the dog won't listen at home? Well this is because of the mesosystem. The family doesn't share the same set of skills nor provide the same environmental that the dog trainer does. Without an interplay between the two systems it is hard for a dog to learn what to do!

Witness the American ideal: the Self-Made Man. But there is no such person. If we can stand on our own two feet, it is because others have raised us up. If, as adults, we can lay claim to competence and compassion, it only means that other human beings have been willing and enabled to commit their competence and compassion to us—through infancy, childhood, and adolescence, right up to this very moment. 

• Exosystem: No, not exoskeleton. Those are crunchy bugs that I like to eat in the summer time. Exosystem involves the links between a social setting that I don't have an active role in and my immediate context. For example, I'm not directly involved in my human's marathon running. I'm influenced by it because when he's deep into training, I'm left alone more often and go on less walks. The exosystem, in this case marathon training, changes patterns of interaction with me. Involves links between a social setting in which the individual does not have an active role and the individual's immediate context. For example, a husband's or child's experience at home may be influenced by a mother's experiences at work. The mother might receive a promotion that requires more travel, which might increase conflict with the husband and change patterns of interaction with the child.

In the planning and designing of new communities, housing projects, and urban renewal, the planners both public and private, need to give explicit consideration to the kind of world that is being created for the children who will be growing up in these settings. Particular attention should be given to the opportunities which the environment presents or precludes for involvement of children with persons both older and younger than themselves. 

• Macrosystem: Describes the culture in which I live. Cultural contexts include developing and industrialized countries, socioeconomic status, poverty, and ethnicity. Don't think this affects dogs? Have you ever traveled to another country and saw the different ways people relate to animals? Some countries dogs aren't household pets--they are street animals. A more simple example--in some countries cows are food--in others cows are considered sacred animals. Take a look at the differences in training styles of Victoria Stillwell and Cesar Milan. They are both highly influenced by different aspects of the macrosystem. They both have different values and different contexts in which they understand animals. They in fact are both from different macrosystems (Milan from Mexico, Stillwell from the United Kingdom). Think about how these macrosystems influence how they relate to animals, and then how they teach others to relate to animals.

If the children and youth of a nation are afforded opportunity to develop their capacities to the fullest, if they are given the knowledge to understand the world and the wisdom to change it, then the prospects for the future are bright. In contrast, a society which neglects its children, however well it may function in other respects, risks eventual disorganization and demise. 

• Chronosystem: The final system involves the effect of time and transitions across a lifespan. Marriage, divorce, or the birth of a baby all are transitions in the human world that fall into the chronosystem. My chronosystem includes being born in Kentucky, being abandoned when I was a day old, being transported to New Hampshire, and then finding my home in Massachusetts. How do you think these transitions have influenced me?

Last thought? In Dr. Brofenbrenner's obituary at Cornell University the following was written. I see it as an invitation to relationship. I hope you do, too.

He spent many of his later years warning that the process that makes human beings human is breaking down as disruptive trends in American society produce ever more chaos in the lives of America's children. "The hectic pace of modern life poses a threat to our children second only to poverty and unemployment," he said. "We are depriving millions of children--and thereby our country--of their birthright... virtues, such as honesty, responsibility, integrity and compassion."

Iron Lady Dog Training

Dog training can be awfully competitive for the humans. It appears that there is the expectation that you all are supposed to get us dogs to sit, come, roll over, wave, and generally respond to your ever whim on command. I guess that's why it's called obedience school.

The human and I had a rather long discussion about this yesterday while walking into the office. He's worried about my upcoming evaluation to become a registered therapy dog for the Delta Society. Part of that evaluation is the neutral dog test: on a lead, I'm expected to walk past a neutral dog without barking, playing, or otherwise tugging on my lead. I'm not so good at this. I like other dogs, you see. As much as I enjoy my companionship with humans, it's nice to hang out and play with my fellow canines.

The human was feeling annoyed with me and worried. On the way into the office we passed by several dogs. I wanted to play with each and every one of them. The human did a lot of comparisons. They weren't tugging on their leads trying to come play with me like I was. He thought those other humans were better. Better dog trainers, better people.

When the human gets like this I like to call it his Iron Lady moment. What follows is a whole lot of sit, stay, come, leave it, etceteras. I don't mind it too much: he generally pets me a lot when he gets like this and I get some major rewards. Food, attention, pets, and good girls. It feels good and does increase the likelihood that I will listen to him.

Where the Iron Lady goes wrong is his expectation that I'm always going to to listen to him. It's just not that simple. While I am a dog and very invested in pleasing him, I also occasionally have some ideas of what I might like to do. I might like to go eat a squirrel, for example. Sometimes the cute little fuzzy dog off into the distance might alert me to something that smells good and I'd like to go check it out. During these occasions I'm less likely to be "obedient" and listen to my human. Sure it's annoying. Sure, sometimes it's even dangerous. In the end, however, it's part of being with a dog. I'm not always going to listen--and it's not a failure of the human. It's simply part of what it is like to be in a relationship with another creature.

The human and I don't often consider the work we do together obedience training. Rather, we consider it relationship building. When he's got his act together and he's not being the Iron Lady he is much more invested in creating experiences that build our relationship together. The more we are connected, the more I'm going to want to pay attention to him and the more I'm going to be invested in filling his requests. Similarly, in a  strong relationship the human is going to know that sometimes the draw of a squirrel or a goose it powerful and I'm going to want to investigate. When we have a strong relationship we have one in which there is a willingness to take turns, to compromise, and to have mutual experiences.

Mind you none of this is to suggest that the human doesn't need to protect me. Sometimes he needs to say no to my desires. There might be things that I don't understand (like hurry up, we have a patient that is going to be waiting). There are things that I might not know are dangerous (like cars, which I am totally oblivious too). A good relationship means that both creatures are kept safe. The human does his part--he gives me limits (like I'm not allowed to chase geese across Memorial Drive where cars are zooming by at 50 miles per hour). I keep him safe by alerting him to unsafe situations that he might not able to smell.

It's a relationship--not a one sided dominance/submission situation.

The sadness of how wrong this can all go was highlighted to us this morning. I was playing with my friend Meadow, a gorgeous Sheppard mix. The humans were talking about a neighborhood dog. Meadow's human had seen a car park on the street and someone disappear into the back seat. It looked like the person in the back seat was punching someone. The woman ran out to investigate and sadly found that there indeed was a young man punching someone: he was punching his dog. Why did this man punch his pit bull? "He runs away from me and chases the cat."

This is the sort of thing that happens when we start to think that the relationship between dog and human is one of dominance and submission. Humans become angry when we dogs don't always listen--when we don't always respond.

It's about the relationship. Wanting to please one another, wanting to keep each other safe, having the awareness that two creatures often have different needs, and having the ability to find ways to negotiate those needs in a safe, sensible way.

Autumn Play

So this morning brought unexpected enjoyment. The human was scurrying around the house and I was growing concerned. I thought it was going to be another morning alone. Those of you who know me know that I'm not a fan of being separated from the human. I was busy hiding from him (today my hiding place was under a blanket on the couch) when he said the magic words "want to go for a walk?" I popped my head right out from under the blankets, perked my ears up, and ambled on over to the door.

It turned out being the entire morning. Some of my favorite humans and their dogs were gathered around the local reservoir for an informal clean up Christian Hill day. They even enlistied two neighborhood boys to hop the fence and gather various sorts of litter that people careless tossed into the reservoir itself. Kudos to one of the humans who pulled around a radio flyer wagon to carry all the dog poop that was left behind by dog owners who don't clean up after their dogs.

It was a nice thing to discover this morning. Those of you who read the Irreverent Psychologist know that there is a lot of acrimony in the neighborhood between people with dogs and people without. The morning was a good example of community: six adults, two young teens, and four dogs all got together to take care of our neighborhood.

After all their hard work, the boys got to spend some time playing with the dogs, eating pizza and drinking soda provided by the adults, and getting some quality time with adult neighbors. While perhaps not part of the plan of the humans, I think the boys got some great positive socialization with adults. They learned about the importance of community while helping the community. Isn't that great?

While the humans supervised and worked I got to spend a lot of time running around with Sammy, Ginger, and Lizzy. In this video Lizzy and I had already took turns creating a rather large hole in the dirt (perfect to nestle in a cool down). We are having an animated discussion about who gets to cool down first.

What People are Saying

Here is a quote about me!

I’m crazy about Maggie! She was a great part of my therapy. I really think she could intuit when I was feeling good and when I needed a little extra love and attention. I think animals, and dogs in particular, are an important part of making us feel happy because they’re affection is unconditional, and they teach us how to feel responsible for ourselves through caring for them. And it’s pretty hard not to smile when Maggie’s romping around burying her imaginary bones and trying to get you to pet her.

Family Photo Album

Her are some pictures of my brother Cooper. He recently found me on Facebook. I'm starting to think it would be fun to have a family reunion at some point this summer. I wonder if the nine of us plus mom might be able to coordinate a little something?

On Manners and Meeting New Friends

Well that was scary!

I was walking along the side of the reservoir this evening sniffing some greenery. There are crickets living amongst the flora and I find them to be the most curious thing. The quiet was disrupted by a rather large dog that came barreling around the corner. The young man walking the dog was saying "heel" but said dog was clearly not paying attention.

I was excited at first. Most of my experiences with other canines have been positive. I wagged my tail, put my head down low, and avoided direct eye contact. It's my usual way of making a friendly introduction with a new dog.

While I was making preparations to say hello a woman suddenly came from the other direction with two large dogs on a tandem leash. She was struggling and appeared to not be in control of her dogs and the young man was struggling and appeared to not be in control of his dog.

It was at that moment that both I and the human knew that trouble was brewing.

It happened very quickly. The human first paid attention to the woman with the two large dogs. To her credit, she was aware she wasn't able to control her dogs and she was walking into a difficult situation: she went around a corner with her dogs and down a hill. The young man with the Boxer decided they were going to meet us with my human turned in the other direction and kept approaching.

With the human's back exposed, I felt that I clearly needed to protect him from the Boxer coming toward us. The human turned back to me as I was moving from play position to a protective posture. What follows takes awhile to explain but in reality took up about five seconds of time.

The hair in the center of my back from the nape of my neck to the base of my tail stood up in a mohawk. The dog lunged, lurched, and leaped toward me and the human. The Boxer wasn't paying attention to me and what I was communicating. My hair was up, which is a sign suggesting that it's not a good time to play. I was looking to the side and licking my lips which is a sign that I'm trying to calm myself and the other dog. Think of it like this, when I do that I'm saying: "hey, leave me alone, I'm not a threat because I'm not looking at you but can't you see my hair, if you keep coming there is going to be trouble."

Well the boxer kept barreling toward us and the young man was being dragged along. In a split second the boxer came directly toward my face. He growled while continuing to approach. I turned and fixed my stare directly on him and snarled. He still did not stop and when he was inches away from my nose I snapped but did not bite.

While all this was going on the human pivoted between me and the boxer, and shouted in a friendly voice "hey big puppy" just as I snapped a warning at the dog. The human said "focus" and I immediately moved from the boxer to him (this happened thanks to practicing this command thousands of times). The human put himself between the two of us because he knew I was attempting to protect him, he read the dog as being out of control but not aggressive, and wanted to startle the other dog to try to distract him off his approach.

Unlike the young man with the boxer, my human did not pull hard on my leash. The boxer was choking on his pinch collar, which was likely raising his anxiety levels. It wouldn't do any good to pull on my leash because I wear a harness, not a pinch collar. Well that plus my human knows that a good way to increase the probability of a problem when dogs are meeting is to tug hard on a leash or communicate anxiety to the dog.

As soon as my focus shifted the human said "follow me." (I don't heel, by the way, the human believes in taking turns--sometimes he leads, sometimes I lead). When he says follow me he always means business: it's time for me to stop sniffing and exploring and walk quickly and quietly by his side. He walked away from the other dog at an right angle from the direction in which he was approaching. He was calm yet quick.

Big crisis was averted. Don't you think?

So what's the message here? Humans needs to be keenly aware of how their dogs communicate, and have a working knowledge of some of the basic ways other dogs communicate. With that knowledge, humans need to be paying attention and reading the situation when dogs meet for the first time.

This dog wasn't coming to me to politely shake my hand and ask me if I'd like to play. He looked like he was going to rough me up, or rough my human up, and I didn't like that. In all likelihood he probably just did not learn proper social skills as a puppy and doesn't know how to make friends.

I read the signs and was moving to protect my human and myself. My human read the signs and knew that there was danger brewing. If he hadn't been paying attention there could have been a bite, a fight, or worse. Even with his careful attention the situation could have ended poorly. He made a calculated decision to change the dynamic by getting between us. He trusted our developing bond and hoped that he could get my focus and lead me away.

What's a dog owner to do? It's not enough to teach your dog to sit, stay, and come. I hear lots of folks are doing this at home by reading books and watching TV shows. It's a start, mind you, but not enough.

Too many dogs are out there pulling their owners around and lacking in canine social skills. Take your puppy to a good puppy class. From an early age, a puppy class is a great opportunity for dogs to get feedback from other dogs and learn how to communicate in dog. Watch puppies and dogs as they interact and socialize. Learn to read a dog's body language as it relates to lots of different contexts. Keep your eyes out for experienced dog handlers--watch how they interact with groups of dogs. Ask lots of questions.

And please, don't ever let your dog meet another dog without first asking if it was okay. Had this young man with the boxer done this basic step, this whole situation would have been averted. The human would not have had his back turned, he would have already asked me to sit, and he would have asked the young man to stay at a distance. When given a choice, my human never lets me meet new dogs that have owners who are not paying attention and in control of the situation.

Dance When There Is Music/Eat When There Is Food

I had no idea that picture taking could become a training exercise. Jason grabbed his camera this morning and thought he'd take some pictures of me while we went for our morning walk. I of course had other ideas. There were three other dogs walking around. They needed to be played with. There was a family going for a run around the reservoir. They needed to be chased after.There were the squirrels. Yum. They needed to be eaten as I find them irresistible. Lastly, with spring here, there are birds galore. They are the most interesting, distracting, and amusing creatures I've ever met. They flutter around and always seem to be just out of reach. I sure do like trying for them.

Anyway, can you see the dilemma? Jason expected me to sit still. I most clearly had other plans. Who do you think won out? We both did, of course. How'd we manage that? I thought you might ask.

When Jason had a good night sleep, is well fed, and generally not crabby, he seems to subscribe to the notion of dancing when there is music and eating when there is food. He goes with what is rather than what he thinks he wants. He tells me this is radical acceptance. I've got no idea what that means, but I know when he is doing it things go smoothly. He doesn't lose patience with me. We have fun. Everything in the world seems right. When he isn't radically accepting things as they are he gets upset, I get scared, and we generally don't seem to have a very good time.

This doesn't mean Jason gives up and does whatever I want. He's not a push over, and I don't rule the roost. Take his photo shoot this morning as an example. The spring flowers are up and he wanted to take some pictures. Aren't they lovely? Do you have any idea what he went through to get this one rather average image? Let me tell you: a lot.

You see, I kept walking into the shot. For every single shot of flowers Jason took there were about ten that were either sideways because he was trying to hold me out of the picture or had a blurred image f my ear or tail off to the edge. Why? Flowers after all aren't just interesting to people. Dogs like them too. I'm particularly fond of biting the flowers of daffodils (much to Jason's horror as he is told they are poisonous to animals). I also like sniffing them. Sometimes I find exciting things like butterflies or bumblebees on the blossom. This is my first springtime so this is all new and exciting. It's natural that I want to sniff and explore. That and since I have no idea what a camera is I don't know that I'm supposed to stay out of the image.

So what do you do? Do you get mad and yell at your dog? Have you tried that? Doesn't work very well does it? When people yell at us dogs we understand there is a problem but have no idea about the nature of the problem. If I got yelled at during the photo shoot I'd be just as likely to think that I get yelled at every time there is a camera in view, or that sniffing flowers is bad and I shouldn't ever sniff. That wouldn't be very good.

Here is where radical acceptance comes into play. Dogs sniff. Dogs get in the way. Dogs get distracted by all sorts of things and want to explore. Jason eventually got around to accepting this. Once he did, he had a choice: get mad at me, leave me at home and go take pictures, take me for a walk and take pictures, or accept that he won't be able to take the pictures he wants and instead take pictures that he can take when I am around. He selected the last option.

Now I'm sure you all have encountered these sorts of dilemmas all the time. Maybe you even feel bad because you can't "control" your dog. Maybe you even yell at your dog, or hit your dog in an attempt to exert some sort of control of the situation. It happens to all of us. It's not pretty, and it exposes cruel parts that we all have. It also provides a precious opportunity to discover a deep sense of playful and peaceful compassion toward ourselves and others.

Dance when there is music. Eat when there is food. That's what I say (yeah yeah yeah, I don't actually speak, but you know what I mean). So many wonderful part of life pass us by while we are busy complaining about not being able to do the things we want to do. So many opportunities to change our experiences pass us because we are too occupied denying what is happening in the moment.

Take a moment, find your feet, find your breath, and most importantly find the moment. It is in that exact second when you truly become alive, become powerful, and become able to change.

By the way, birds and squirrels turn out to be great training tools. I quickly discovered that if I stared at them without moving, they didn't run away from me. As a bonus, when I sat and stared intently at them for a period of time, Jason rewarded me by letting me run after them and chase them around the field. Jason got rewarded by taking this head shot of me, staring longingly off into to the distance at a robin. I was totally in the moment and he was too.